


Forgive and Forget

by fairyjihoon



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, Lee Jihoon | Woozi-centric, M/M, Original Character(s), This Is Sad, Time Skips, crossposted, im so sorry jihoon, most members dont have lines here sorry, slight jicheol, sorry but Soonyoung is an asshole here, supportive jeongcheol, this is my first time writing here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 08:15:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 11,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14076723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairyjihoon/pseuds/fairyjihoon
Summary: "I dont wanna be friends with him anymore.""What do you wanna be then?" he asked.    "Strangers. I wish I never met him. Then i wont have a crush on him for 5 years. Then i wont fall in love with him."





	1. i hate

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposted from AFF ( smolfairyjihoon )
> 
> Enjoy reading :) !

******'s POV

 

it all started on the first day of school. I was so nervous that I barely slept at all. All i could think of is making new friends.

 

Having social anxiety is a lot worse than you think. Starting middle school at the age of 11 with social anxiety is never good.

 

I tend to stutter when speaking to new people. Strangers. I get nervous and sweat alot too. Sometimes I get those random panic attacks.

 

Its never an ending cycle. Where your mind just thinks negative thoughts all the time. What if he/she doesn't want to be friends with me? What if he/she doesn't like me and think im a freak? What if they started teasing me? Bullying me? Judging me? All these thoughts go through my head everyday and depression hits me constantly.

 

The loud noises that erupted as I walked towards my new classroom suddenly became so quiet you could hear the wind blowing outside. Trailing behind my homeroom teacher, i suddenly felt like every pair of eyes was focusing solely on me. 

 

I didnt held my head up and instead looked down on my shoes like it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

 

I couldn't even heard the teacher asking me to introduce myself as I felt tears brimmimg on my eyes. I have to hold it back. I could not cry on my first day of school. 

 

"...... Would you please introduce yourself to your new classmates?" the teacher, Mrs. Park, kindly asked me.

 

I looked up for the first time and saw about 20 kids sitting on their desk and looking at me, each with an unreadable expression on their faces.

 

  
"Hello. My name is Jihoon. Lee Jihoon. Nice to meet you." i muttered softly while slightly smiling.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!
> 
> hmu on :  
> twitter : @squishyjihoon_


	2. myself

 

**Jihoon's POV ( Third Person )**

 

 

**\- LUNCH -**

 

 

Classes was not bad. But Jihoon still havent 

made any friends yet. For some reason his classmates did not approach him at all. Isn't it a common courtesy to greet the new student? His mom always says that. 

 

Lunch was a challenge. Jihoon's new school, Pledis Middle School, is huge. They have a huge library which has 2 floors and shelves full of books. They also have a big garden and a basketball court. The cafeteria was big too. They have long tables and benches where student can hang out and eat. 

 

As he entered the cafeteria, he noticed that most of the tables were packed with students chattering and laughing away. As Jihoon pack  his own lunch, he decided to search for an empty table or seat. After minutes of searching, Jihoon found one all the way at the back. As he walked towards it, he saw a boy with glasses and dark brown hair sitting alone. He was reading a book.  _To Kill A Mocking Bird._  

 

Jihoon hesitantly approach him and tapped on his shoulder to acknowledge him. He looked up and frowned.

 

"M-may I s-sit here? There's n-no empty t-table left." jihoon stuttered. He looked intimidating and has cold like eyes.

 

He suddenly smiled a little and said," Yeah, sure."

 

When he smiled, he looked very kind despite having cold like eyes. 

 

"Thank you." 

 

"My name is Wonwoo. Jeon Wonwoo. You are Jihoon right? Lee Jihoon?" he suddenly asked.

 

Jihoon's eyes widen as the former said that. 

 

"Y-Yes. How do y-you know my n-name?" Jihoon asked, still startled. 

 

"You're the new kid. I was in your class when you introduced yourself. I also have the same class as you for Mathematics." he replied.

 

Wonwoo continued talking, " I'm guessing you didn't notice me since you barely look around the class this morning and I was most probably at the back of the class. That's where I usually seat."

 

Jihoon just hummed because he don't know what to say next. 

 

Wonwoo noticed that Jihoon wasn't paying attention to him and stopped talking. He continued to read his book, food still untouched.

 

"D-Do you have any f-friends that are going to join you later?" Jihoon suddenly asked.

 

Wonwoo laughed soundlessly as if it was the funniest thing he heard all day.

 

"Me? Have friends? Maybe in my next life. For you information, Jihoon, I am the loner in this school. No one seems to like talking to me or invite me to their birthday parties because they think that I only read books." stated Wonwoo. "You would probably have other friends some day and will also leave me like we never talked before. Like everyone else."

 

"I. I'm sorry, Wonwoo. I don't have any friends too. They all ignored me in every class i go.  And assume things okay. You barely know me. I dont just leave people behind just because I found new friends and if you didnt know already, I have social anxiety. It sucks having to panic whenever people start to talk to you." Said Jihoon

 

"It's okay. Im sorry too for assuming things. I guess we could be friends. You're starting to grow on me." chuckled Wonwoo.

 

Jihoon smiled. "Sure"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! 
> 
> hmu on:   
> twitter: @squishyjihoon_


	3. for

Third Person's POV

 

  
Jihoon was known to have quite a short temper so saying that Jihoon felt annoyed was an understatement. He was irritated. Bitter. Vexed. 

 

 

  
Jihoon was never fond of introducing himself but oh did he have to introduce himself for _EVERY_ class he went to. 

 

 

  
Jihoon wore a bored expression and scowled internally as he, yet again, introduced himself in front of the whole class. Thank the heavens it was his last class and he didnt have to do this stupid thing tomorrow. 

 

 

  
"Hello. My name is Jihoon. Please take care of me." he said in a monotone as he bowed down.

 

 

  
Worse yet, his teacher was too cheerful for his liking. 

 

 

  
"Great! Welcome! You can sit beside Kwon Soonyoung. Soonyoung-ssi, please raise your hand. " his teacher motioned him to a black haired boy who wore a friendly smile.

 

 

 

The said boy raised his hand. Jihoon then nodded to his teacher before bowing to her. He went towards his table which is at the very back of the classroom.

 

 

  
He internally cursed. How was he suppose to see when he is seated at the very back? Doesn't the teacher notice that his height, as much as he simply hates to admit it, was below a male's average?! To make matters worst, in front of him is a _VERY_ tall man. Almost like a tree. Probably 20 cm taller than him. 

 

 

  
He was too immersed in cursing himself for being short that he almost screamed when he felt someone tapped on his shoulders. 

 

 

  
"WHAT?!" Jihoon whisper-yelled at the man beside him.

 

 

  
"Sorry. I didn't mean to make you angry but I was just wondering if you could see from here? Since you know...", the boy trailed off, who was sizing him up. He didnt have to say the word, Jihoon already knew what he was indicating.

 

 

  
"Are you implying that I'm **_short_**?!" Said Jihoon, glaring at him, clearly emphasizing the last word.

 

 

  
"W-what n-no!! I'm just concerned--- " stuttered Soonyoung, almost scared to death by Jihoon's glare.

 

 

  
"Hmph!" Jihoon pouted angrily. It was not the first time that he was told that he was shorter than an average male. Although he hates when people mock his height, he actually like having a short statue. It has its advantages.

 

 

  
The older male almost cooed when he saw Jihoon pouted. He has never met anyone, much less a boy, who could be so cute when being annoyed.

 

 

 

"I-I swear I didnt mean to offend you! I was just worried you might not see the board. I could lend you some of my notes from previous lessons you missed?" Said Soonyoung, uncertainly.

 

 

  
Jihoon hesitated at the offer but turned to look at the other male. His eyes soften and smiled shyly.

 

 

  
"Y-you w-would?!" exclaimed Jihoon. 

 

 

  
Soonyoung, internally screamed as he saw Jihoon's smile ( because it was the cutest thing ever) but managed to calm himself down, scratched the back of his neck shyly and said, "Y-yeah sure."

 

 

  
"Oh! Thank you so much! That would help me a lot!" Jihoon said while grinning at the male, eyes disappearing.

 

 

  
Soonyoung smiled and faced forward to focus on his teachet, trying hard not to squish the other's cheeks.

 

 

  
But he cant stop thinking about Jihoon's smile. 

 

 

  
How could a person have such duality? One moment he was a scary man who looks like he could actually strangle someone, and the next he was a cute, innocent looking boy who looks like he wouldn't hurt a fly!

 

 

  
God. What was wrong with him. He only met the other few minutes ago!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! 
> 
> hmu on:  
> twitter: @squishyjihoon_


	4. liking

Jihoon's pov

 

 

Every since Jihoon was assigned to sit next to Soonyoung, the latter had been bothering Jihoon far too much.

 

 

 

At first he didnt mind, as Soonyoung has been quite helpful and has been giving him notes to copy. Jihoon thought that Soonyoung was merely just his seatmate for the rest of the school term. 

 

 

  
But the older started to eat with him during lunch hours too. The first time Soonyoung decided to sit beside Jihoon, the latter was startled. He was sure that he didnt agree to have lunch with the older. But why was the older sitting with him?!

 

 

 

Wonwoo, on the other hand, didn't seem to mind. In fact, his face brighthens when he notice that there was a new face sitting on their table (though he kept his face neutral) . He didn't felt quite lonely anymore.

 

 

 

Soonyoung, with his bright grin, remained unphased when Jihoon scowled at him and started to eat.

 

 

 

However the table was silent as Soonyoung was busy eating, Wonwoo was busy reading as per usual and Jihoon was... glaring at Soonyoung, food still untouched.

 

 

 

"Jihoonie, your food is turning cold. You need to eat." Said Soonyoung without looking at Jihoon.

 

 

  
He continued, ".... and I'm gonna melt with you staring at me like that." 

 

 

  
Soonyoung smirked and turned to look at Jihoon who was frowning but there was a pink tint appearing on his cheeks. 

 

 

 

"I-i wasn't-- SHUT UP! STOP SMIRKING AT ME LIKE THAT!" shouted Jihoon, still red on the face.

 

 

 

Soonyoung chuckled as Jihoon gathers his untouched, now very cold,  mixed cold noodles ( bless. It was his favourite) and turned to leave the table.

 

 

 

"Is he always like this?" Soonyoung asked Wonwoo.

 

 

 

"No. He's usually quiet. I'm surprised you know him actually. He's not usually good at socialising. He usually stutters." replied Wonwoo.

 

 

 

"Oh. Really? He speaks well though? It was the first time I heard he actually stuttered just now." Said Soonyoung, confused.

 

 

 

  
"Huh." 

 

 

  
____________________________

  
TIME SKIP…

 

 

  
When Jihoon arrived at his class the next day, he saw Soonyoung sitting at his usual desk.

 

 

 

  
It has been a few months since they sat together and from the eyes of their classmates, Soonyoung amd Jihoon looked like they've known each other for years.

 

 

 

By now, Jihoon has been use to Soonyoung's presence that he stopped scowling at the latter when ever they hang out together.

 

 

 

To say that Jihoon didnt have any feelings for Soonyoung was a TOTAL lie. 

 

 

 

Though Jihoon does not show affection towards the older, he often stares at Soonyoung. Mesmerizing the glint on Soonyoung's pretty eyes. His cheeks whenever he smiles or laugh was one of the many reasons Jihoon like about the older. Jihoon also likes it whenever the older gets worried at Jihoon for skipping meals, to Jihoon it shows affection and it made Jihoon's heart flutters 10 times more. 

 

 

 

  
He knew he needed to confess but it isnt easy. He tries to avoid Soonyoung so that he could forget these stupid feelings but the latter was so dense. He followed Jihoon whenever and wherever he went to. 

 

 

 

Jihoon made it a decision that it was impossible to avoid the older and he just needs to go with the flow and just... be friends with Soonyoung.

 

 

 

  
Because he just doesn't want these feelings to ruin their friendship. It was better to be friends than be strangers towards each other right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! 
> 
> hmu on:  
> twitter: @squishyjihoon_


	5. him

Jihoon's POV

 

 

Its been 3 years since Jihoon has been friends with Soonyoung.

 

 

His feelings for the latter has not disappeared yet. In fact, it's growing.  
  


 

The younger was so in love with the older that it was hard to avoid him.

 

 

Meanwhile, Soonyoung, completely oblivious of Jihoon's feelings, has been dating a few people.  
  


 

 

Including Jihoon's best friend, Wonwoo.  
  


 

 

Jihoon was too in love with Soonyoung, that he forgot to tell his best friend. He was too in love that he was completely unaware of the flirty stares and looks that was thrown to each other by Soonyoung and Wonwoo.

 

 

So the day he decided to tell Wonwoo about his crush, it was also the day Wonwoo decided to tell Jihoon something too.

 

 

So when he saw Wonwoo the next day, both with a happy and nervous expression, blurted out the same exact thing.

 

 

"I have something to tell you!!"

 

 

Jihoon and Wonwoo both laughed.

 

 

"Okay. You first!" said Jihoon, excitedly.

 

 

"Me and Soonyoung are dating!" squealed Wonwoo.

 

 

Jihoon froze. His eyes widened. He did not know what to say but just listen to Wonwoo rambling excitedly.

 

  
  


"Isnt this amazing!! He told me he liked me and wanted to just court me if i didnt like him back! But i told him I did and he asked me to be his boyfriend! Im so happy, Jihoon! My first boyfriend ever! He said that I caught his eyes the moment he saw me and--"

 

 

Jihoon cut him off and said, "That's great Wonwoo. Im so happy for you. I need to go though. I-Im busy, with um- something, yeah. I'll talk to you later."

 

 

Jihoon gave him a small smile but it didnt reached his eyes.

 

 

"But, I thought you have something to say to me too. We havent talked that mu--"

 

 

Jihoon cut him off again and said with a sad smile, " It's fine. Its nothing important. Bye Jeon."

 

 

And with that he left Wonwoo. Wonwoo felt like what he said made Jihoon upset but he was confused. Why does Jihoon look so upset?

  
  


\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  


Jihoon ran.  
  


 

 

And ran.  
  


 

 

And ran.  
  


 

 

Completely ignoring the rain that was pouring heavily.  
  


 

 

He was soaked. His eyes were burning red from the tears that fell just as he left Wonwoo.  
  


 

 

He knew it was a mistake. A mistake to fall in love with someone clearly the opposite of him. Clearly Jihoon had no chance of being with Soonyoung.

 

 

Why. Why does it hurt so much. To be in love. To be in love with someone who he has no chance of being happy with.

 

 

But Jihoon cant help it. He cant help but fall in love with Soonyoung. It was hard to avoid this feelings.

 

 

All he need was time to be alone. To clear his mind. He knew he should be happy for his best friend. But how could he just pretend?

 

  
  


How could he just pretend to be happy when your best friend is dating someone you have been in love with for so long? How could he just pretend that everything was okay? 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! 
> 
> hmu on:  
> twitter: @squishyjihoon_


	6. too much

Jihoon's POV (Third Person)

 

 

Jihoon didnt even bothered changing his clothes when he got to his dorm.  
  


 

 

His dormmate, Seungcheol, who he barely talks to, was surprised to see Jihoon, completly soaked.  
  


 

 

"Jihoon! Why are you so wet?! Didn't you brought an umbrella with you just now?!" asked Seungcheol, annoyed.

 

 

 

When Jihoon didnt responded back, Seungcheol then realised that Jihoon's eyes were red and there were tears brimming on his eyes.  
  


 

 

Seungcheol immediately went to Jihoon and held his shoulders, softly.

 

 

 

"Hey.. What's wrong? Are you okay?" Seungcheol asked softly.  
  


 

 

Jihoon still didnt replied. Instead he wrapped his arms around Seungcheol and sobbed.  
  


 

 

Seungcheol immediately responded amd embraced him. Softly caressing Jihoon's hair and tried calming him down. He didnt talked but instead just let Jihoon cry.  
  


 

 

Few minutes later, he carried Jihoon to their couch and laid Jihoon there.  
  


 

 

Before Jihoon could fall asleep, Seungcheol shook him gently.

 

 

 

"Jihoon, you need to change your clothes first or else you're gonna get sick." said Seungcheol, quietly.  
  


 

 

Jihoon hummed. He stood up wearily and headed to his bedroom.  
  


 

 

Meanwhile, Seungcheol prepared some hot chocolate for Jihoon and preheated a bowl of chicken soup for their dinner.  
  


 

 

When Jihoon finished changing, he sat down on his couch and waited for Seungcheol.  
  


 

 

He and Seungcheol weren't that close. They barely see each other at the dorms since they both have different time schedules and the only time they see each other was during the night.  
  


 

 

So Jihoon felt a bit embarrassed of his little breakdown in front of Seungcheol.  
  


 

 

When Seungcheol came back from the kitchen, he was carrying a tray with 2 mugs and 2 bowls of soup.  
  


 

 

"Here. I preheated some chicken soup that I bought from the cafe earlier and I made hot chocolate." said Seungcheol gesturing to the food.  
  


 

 

"Thanks..." mumbled Jihoon, shyly.  
  


 

 

They ate in silence.  
  


 

 

Seungcheol, sensing the awkward silence, decided to ask Jihoon.

 

 

 

"D-Do you wanna talk about it?" Seungcheol said, hesistantly.  
  


 

 

Noticing the slight discomfort on Jihoon, he immediately said, "Im sorry! I-its okay if you don't want to talk about it! I-i understand its hard for yo--"  
  


 

 

"It's okay, Seungcheol-ssi. You dont need to apologise. I just dont want to talk about it now. Maybe tomorrow? I'm a bit tired and I want to be alone for a while." said Jihoon quietly, without looking at Seungcheol.  
  


 

 

"Sure! It's fine. I'll let you rest. Goodnight Jihoon. " said Seungcheol, smiling.

 

 

 

Jihoon nodded and stood to walk to his bedroom, when Seungcheol called for him.  
  


 

 

"Jihoon?"

 

 

"Yeah?"

 

 

"You know you could talk to me anytime, alright? Whatever thats bothering you, just tell me and I'll listen." said Seungcheol.  
  


 

 

Jihoon smiled, grateful to have Seungcheol as his dormmate.

 

 

"Okay. I'd appreciate that. Thank you, Seungcheol-ssi."

 

 

"Oh. And Jihoon? Just call me Seungcheol. Or Cheol. No need to be so formal. I've lived with you for 6 months now. " chuckled Sengcheol.  
  


 

 

"Alright Seungcheol. Goodnight."  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! 
> 
> hmu on:  
> twitter: @squishyjihoon_


	7. to the

Jihoon's POV(Third Person)

 

 

  
Jihoon woke up with a headache. He felt sick. He has been crying too much. There was still dried tears on his face.

 

 

 

Stumbling out of his bedroom, he headed to the kitchen to take some medicine. He found Seungcheol cooking.

 

 

  
"Oh, hey Jihoon. You feeling better?" asked Seungcheol as Jihoon sat down.

 

 

 

"Nope. I feel sick. Do we have any medicine?" 

 

 

 

"No. I dont think so. But i could go run to the pharmacy to pick up some for you.", Seungcheol offered.

 

 

 

  
"Oh. Okay. Thanks Hyung." said Jihoon.

 

 

 

"No problem. The food is ready. Just eat some and go rest after that. I'll be right back. Drink water too." said Seungcheol.

 

 

 

He then dashed outside, not forgetting his wallet and phone, leaving Jihoon alone.

 

 

  
\----------------------------------------

 

 

"Jihoon! I bought your medicine!" shouted Seungcheol as he placed his things on the kitchen counter.

 

 

 

Jihoon tiredly came and took the medicine.

 

 

 

"Do you want to tell me now?" said Seungcheol quietly.

 

 

 

Jihoon hesitated at first but then he told Seungcheol everything.

 

 

 

Eventhough they weren't close yet, he felt like he knew Seungcheol for years. Jihoon knew it was right to trust him.

 

 

 

Seungcheol frowned as he listened to the younger's story. He felt bad and a little bit guilty. He knew how it felt to love someone but they dont feel the same way. He felt guilty because all this time they were dormmates, he never bothered to get close with the younger. He never bothered much about how his dormmate was doing.

 

 

 

"Im sorry, Jihoon. I wish I could help you get through this." said Seungcheol quietly.

 

 

 

"It's okay. It's not your fault. It's my fault for falling for a guy who I have no chance with, for a guy who is too dense to notice." mumbled Jihoon, trying his best not to cry.

 

 

 

"Hey.. Jihoon. Listen. I'm not good at giving advices, but I know how you feel. I know that it sucks that you cant seem to confess or tell him you like him. But one thing I can tell you is that you should just trust yourself. It doesnt matter if you get rejected or heartbroken. Because thats what life is all about. Experiencing things thats bound to happen. Maybe you should just tell him how you feel. Then, maybe, the pressure will be lessen." said Seungcheol.

 

 

 

  
"Yeah.. I know. I know that I should just tell him. But, i just, cant. Sure, its hurting me.It hurts me so much. Seeing him date other people. Fuck, even my own best friend. But what do i do then? What do i do when i tell him i love him? Will he love me back? I cant ruin his relationship with Wonwoo. It'll break his heart. Im not being selfless, but I just, I would rather break my own heart... than my best friend's heart." croaked Jihoon. Tears were running down his face as he whispered those last sentences.

 

 

 

Seungcheol just let Jihoon cry silently. He knew it was better to just calm him first than talking.

 

 

 

When Jihoon calmed abit, Seungcheol spoke quietly.

 

 

 

"You're a kind person, Jihoon. Inside and outside. Anyone could see that. Anyone would be lucky to have you and if-- and if Soonyoung can't see that, then he doesn't deserve you." muttered Seungcheol. Theres was a little anger in his tone.

 

 

 

He continued," But Jihoon, you just cant hurt yourself like this. It's bad for you. You need to tell him. The sooner the better. Promise me, Jihoon. Promise me that you'll tell him soon."

 

 

 

"I-I will. One day." whispered Jihoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! 
> 
> hmu on:  
> twitter: @squishyjihoon_


	8. point

A year later~

 

 

Things have changed between Wonwoo and Jihoon's friendship.

 

 

When Wonwoo was dating Soonyoung, the older started to distant himself from Jihoon for whatever reason.

 

 

It bothered Jihoon so much but he didnt have the courage to ask Wonwoo. He missed the older. But Wonwoo turned his back on Jihoon. It made Jihoon more depressed than ever.

 

 

Jihoon started to be close to Seungcheol since he was the only one whom Jihoon trust. He also made acquaintances with Seungcheol's best friend/classmate, Yoon Jeonghan. A very beautiful boy who is always top in class eventhough he often sleeps in class. Jeonghan being very fond of Jihoon, immediately took him as his "child" and took very good care of him. Jihoon didnt mind at all.

 

 

Jihoon also befriended with a junior at his school, Boo Seungkwan. Boo Seungkwan was the total opposite of Jihoon. He was loud, loves to annoy Jihoon, loves to talk and gossip, very funny and fun to be with and always brightens Jihoon's day. Seungkwan's personality reminded Jihoon of a certain someone.

 

 

Though Seungkwan is a year below Jihoon and Seungcheol and Jeonghan is a year above Jihoon, they will always sit with each other at lunch and hang out after school.

 

  
  


Wonwoo, on the other hand, had gotten very popular in their school (Pledis High). He was always seen with a group of very well known students including Soonyoung, of course. One of them is the face of the school, Wen Junhui. He came from China and was an teen actor in China. Kim Mingyu, the son of the owner of Pledis High, one of the richest students. Joshua Hong, an american boy who is very quiet but is very well known for his youtube channel. He uploads covers (sometimes originals too) and has lots of subscribers. Basically the other student celebrity besides Junhui.

 

 

Wonwoo and Soonyoung's relationship, however, has been broken months ago.

 

 

It was Soonyoung that had broken it. No one actually knows why he did it, besides Wonwoo, who didnt want to tell anyone.

 

 

Though they had broken up, they were still friends. Though, a little awkward in anyone's eyes.

 

 

Rumors has been thrown here and there about the couple. One of which is that Soonyoung was cheating on Wonwoo for a girl. Others say that Soonyoung was dating Wonwoo only to get intk his pants.

 

 

Though it might be painful to hear, both person didnt seem to bother and was unaffected by it.

 

 

As for Jihoon and Soonyoung, they rarely talk in person anymore. It was clear that Jihoon was avoiding Soonyoung.

 

 

They still do text each though, much to Jihoon's annoyance.

 

 

It was hard to bottle up these feelings. He really should just confess. Whether its rejection or acceptance, whatever it is, its still gonna make him cry anyways. The only difference is, whether is the cry of joy or cry of sadness. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! 
> 
> hmu on:  
> twitter: @squishyjihoon_


	9. him so

**A/N** :  Okay so bare with me on this one. Theres gonna be a long ass conversation between Jeonghan and Jihoon ft. Seungcheol lol. Anyways, credits to my friend Blight for giving me ideas to write this. Most of the wise words are from him lol. Hope you enjoy~

 

 

Jihoon's POV  
  


 

"So.. What are you going to do?" uttered Jeonghan softly.

 

 

"I-I don't know hyung. I.... I really really like him. I know I sound so desperate but I can't help it! He's just _everywhere_! All I see is him. And i dont know what to do. I really wished i never met him. What ever my relationship is with him, whether he thinks we're just friends or not." exclaimed Jihoon.

 

 

He continued, " I just, I dont want to be friends with him anymore. I know he's my best friend, but if I keep on being friends with him, I cant help but just keep on falling. _Falling_ _deeply_ _in_ _love_ _with_ _him_." He whispered those last sentence so quietly, it was barely audible.

 

 

"What do you want to be then, if you dont want to be friends with him?" asked Jeonghan

 

 

Jihoon paused and hesitated, " I.. Strangers.. I wished I never met him. Then i wont have a crush on him for more than 5 years. Then i wont fall in love with him."

 

  
  


"I.. I want closure. Something that could make me feel content. I want closure from him. He.. He likes to avoid these questions, and its making me confused. He left my questions unanswered. I dont know what he wants. I just want the truth."

 

  
  


"But, Jihoon... The truth will hurt, you know. It'll break you and you'll cry mo-"

 

 

Jihoon cut him off.

 

 

"He'd already broken me, Hyung! Don't you get it? What ever he's playing at me, its breaking me so bad that i cant think properly!" yelled Jihoon, in tears.

 

  
  


Jihoon was trembling. He looks so broken, inside and out.

 

 

"Why, why is he so difficult to read." whispered Jihoon.

 

 

"We cant read the people we love. Ironic, isn't it? The people we think about the most, and we dont know that they're thinking." said Jeonghan, smiling sadly. His smile didnt reached his eyes.

 

  
  


"He-- He doesnt care. He doesnt look like he cares whether or not im broken. He made it seem like im so easy. But i fell for it anyways. I just, want him to be happy. **_I_** want to happy too. But I know I cant be happy if i cant let go."

 

  
  


"Listen, Jihoon, its not that he doesnt care, more like he doesnt know anything. I know you confessed to him, but does he know you love him? And you're _still_ in love? I dont think so. He needs to know, Ji. And then, maybe he'll think about it more." said Jeonghan.

 

 

"What's the point, Hyung? He doesnt care. Not even a slightest bit." said Jihoon quietly.

 

 

"And if he doesnt care what are you supposed to do? You cant force someone to love you Jihoon. You may love him like he's the only person you're seeing but what if he doesnt? Im sorry, Jihoon. But sometimes you got to face the reality of it all."

 

 

 

"Right now, part of you is wanting to say all these shitty pessimistic stuff. The other part is wanting to hurt and say all the insulting self-injuring things to yourself. But in between there's a part where you have a choice to break through all those shit. Its your choice, Jihoon."

 

 

 

He continued, "Just tell him. The burden will just disappear after that. You can cry after that as much as you want.You can grief for your unrequited love for that person. Grief for all that hopes and dreams of being with the person."

 

 

 

"I told him I like him. He didn't respond to that. He laughed it off. He has been ignoring me constantly and im sick of it. It made me feel so fucking stupid. Maybe to him, my confession was nothing. Maybe to him, im just a friend. It hurts. It fucking hurts. People say to move on. But fuck that. Fuck feelings and blind love. I-I cant move on. I dont know if I will ever move on. He... he makes me feel so fucking special. He makes me feel so vulnerable and weak all over. He makes me feel so happy. He made me feel what happiness feels like. For once." cried Jihoon.

 

 

 

Theres a pregnant pause. Silence embraced them. Jeonghan and Jihoon were too busy talking that they barely notice Seungcheol walked in a few minutes ago and sat with them but kept silent.

 

 

 

Seungcheol suddenly spoke up, making Jihoon and Jeonghan startled.

 

 

 

"Why cant you just be happy? Look, you're only saying this cause you feel like shit. You dont know that he thinks like that. He can keep quiet all he wants. He can just pretend that its not a big deal, you dont know that. Once you know the one you love doesnt know whether to love you or not, and just say 'i dont feel the same way', and they just live life likes its normal, you dont know that what you said to them may be stuck in their head.What you say to the person you love truly and deeply will never be erased."

 

 

" He never said anything to me! He never rejected me, he wont talk to me about it. He basically avoids this question. Fuck, i dont know okay! And thats the thing, Cheol. Im not happy. I never was. Until I met him, i _felt_ like i was happy. But ever since I confessed to him, and he laughed it off and kept ignoring me and left, i felt my happiness has gone with him. All i wanted was to be finally happy, and he made me feel that way! But also he made me feel like shit! I pretended that I was okay with everything."

 

 

 

Jihoon scoffed, " I must be a great pretender because he didn't notice anything."

 

 

Another pause.

 

 

 

Jeonghan spoke up, " Listen. The only way to deal with this is to tell him. Not now obviously. But when you've calmed down a bit. Tell him a genuine answer. Without guilt nor pity. You cant always expect a perfect answer. That's just the way it is."

 

 

  
  


"Just sleep on it, Ji. Maybe eat too. Im sure you're famished by now. We'll let you rest after that and let you have some time to think without any distractions." said Seungcheol.

 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! 
> 
> hmu on:  
> twitter: @squishyjihoon_


	10. i love

Jihoon's POV (Third Person)

 

 

Jihoon was a mess. He had not gotten enough sleep since the incident.

 

He has been locked in his room since then. He wouldn't eat. It's not like he had any appetite to eat anyways. His hair was untidy, his face was swollen, eyes glistering red and swollen from the tears. Dried tears were present on his face.

 

He has been ignoring all of his friends. His phone was blowing up with constant notifications. He didnt attend school too which was very unlike him.

 

His friends, especially Seungcheol, was worried for him. The only time Seungcheol saw Jihoon was when the latter wanted to go to the bathroom but then he locked himself again.

 

 

Seungcheol's POV

 

"Jihoon... please... come and eat. Jeonghan made you some soup." Seungcheol pleaded, knocking on Jihoon's door.

 

He wasnt surprised when there was no response from the younger.

 

He sighed. What was he supposed to do now?!

 

The younger havent eaten anything for the past three days. Not unless Jihoon had some hidden stash inside his room.

 

Suddenly, the door swung open.

 

Jihoon stood outside his bedroom door, looking so lifeless-like. Pale skin, red eyes and runny nise. His face also looked noticebly thinner.

 

"Oh my god, Jihoon!" gasped Seungcheol.

 

"I-im s-sorry h-h-hyung i ca-" croaked Jihoon. His voice cracked, trying hard not to breakdown in front of his hyung.

 

"Shh shh, its alright. Let's sit down frist and have some food okay? I'l call Jeonghan." whispered Seungcheol.

 

Jihoon nodded, not wanting to speak.

 

Minutes later, Jeonhan came in rushing from the convenience store.

 

"Oh.. Jihoon.." said Jeonghan softly, worriedly.

 

No one wanted to talk anymore, Seungcheol and Jeonghan just sat beside Jihoon trying to calm him down.

 

It wasnt long before Jihoon fell asleep due to his excessive crying. Seungcheol looked at Jeonghan who felt like he was about to cry seeing his dongsaeng sleeping with dried tears still on his face.

 

"Did he not went out from his bedroom until now?" asked Jeonghan quietly, careful not to wake up the youngest.

 

"Yeah...I'm not sure he has eaten at all too." said Seungcheol, worriedly.

 

 

"What now, Han? He looks so depressed. I feel so useless. I dont know what to do to help him." whispered Seungcheol.

 

 

"I-Im not sure too. Has he talked to you about it?" asked Jeonghan.

 

  
  


"Yeah well, he told me about liking Soonyoung and i gave him some advices about it. I told him to just tell Soonyoung how he felt. Im not sure if he told him already though." sighed Seungcheol.

 

 

"Maybe he confessed but Soonyoung rejected him? But thats so unlike Soonyoung! I really thought he like Jihoon! With all those flirtings and constant texting, anyone could have mistaken them as a couple!" said Jeonghan.

 

 

"Yeah true. But if Soonyoung likes Jihoon, then why did he rejected him? It doesnt make sense! Don't you think Soonyoung's is playing with Jihoonie's feelings?! I mean, anyone who's friends with Jihoon could tell that Jihoon is insecure of himself."

 

  
  


"Maybe.. I'm still not sure. Maybe we could talk to Soonyoung? Just to know both of their stories. In the mean time, maybe Jihoon should avoid seeing Soonyoung again. But i know this idiot won't say no to Soonyoung. He's too soft for Soonyoung. "

 

  
  


\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Jihoon's POV  
  


Jihoon woke up the next day with yet another headache. He felt sick amd depressed.

 

 

' _Fuck_ _you_ , _Kwon_ _Soonyoung_ _for_ _making_ _me_ _like this_.'

 

 

It was unfair, in his opinion. How could one person make him feel so emotional. He needed to stop this. Whatever it is he's feeling right now. He needed to move on. Maybe forget about Kwon Soonyoung also. Maybe make amends with Wonwoo, his ex-best friend.

 

  
  


He stumbled towards the bathroom and looked at the mirror. His eyes blood shot red, swollen from all those tears, face pale as a ghost, the chubbiness of his cheeks was noticebly thinner. He's also very hungry.

 

 

Deciding to  _finally_ take a proper shower a nd head to the kitchen where he found Jeonghan cooking. He smiled a bit. Eventhough he has been ignoring the constant messages from his friends, Jeonghan still has been taking care of him dearly ( and Cheol hyung too)  
  


 

 

"Oh hey Jihoon, are you feeling better?" asked Jeonghan, giving him a small smile.

 

  
  


"I'll.. I'll be alright." said Jihoon, faking a smile towards Jeonghan.

 

  
  


Jeonghan felt bad. He knew Jihoon was not alright. Soonyoung is his first love anyways.

 

 

"Okay, Hoonie. Seungcheol went out for his morning jog. He'll be back in a few. Meanwhile, I made you some pancakes. You should eat. You haven't been eating properly right?"

 

  
  


"Yeah... Thanks, Hyung."

  
  


Jeonghan smiled and ruffled Jihoon's hair.

 

 

"You're welcome, buddy. Everything is going to be fine, okay?" muttered Jeonghan softly.

 

 

Jihoon smiled sadly. "Yeah.."  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! 
> 
> hmu on:  
> twitter: @squishyjihoon_


	11. where

A/N: warning long chapter ahead heheh (its mostly text messages :) enjoy~) 

 

 

Jihoon's POV (Third Person)

  
  
  


Jihoon was currently doing his homework when his phone vibrated, indicating that he received a message.  
  


 

 

 _ **You**_ _**received**_ _**one**_ _**text**_ _**message**_ _**from**_ " _ **soonie**_ ".

 

 

 

Jihoon rolled his eyes. He had enough of the older. He decided to just ignore the text message and  
  


 

 

It wasnt even after a few minutes, his phone was vibrating again amd flashes of notification was popping up on his phone.  
  


 

 

Jihoon huffed and decided to just send him a text saying he's busy. He opened his phone and was not surprised to see Soonyoung was indeed spamming him.

 

 

 

_10:1_ _0pm_

**soonie** : jihoon

 **soonie** : jihoon

 **soonie** : lee

 **soonie** : hey hoon

 **soonie** : jihoooon

 **soonie** : hey jihoon answer me

 **soonie** : this is rlly important!!

 **soonie** : hooniee~

 **soonie** : jihoonie~

 **soonie** : fairy-ssi?? where are you?

 **soonie** :  is hoonie ignoring his soonie? :((

 _ **jihoon**_ : ew. why are you calling me        cute nickname.

 **soonie** : HOONIE!! Finally~

 _ **jihoon**_ : what do you want, kwon. im trying to do my hw and ur annoying ass is spamming me like its the end of the world.

 **soonie** : aw how feisty.

 **soonie** : anyways, i was just bored so i decided to text you :)

 _ **jihoon**_ : -.-

 **soonie** : im just gonna pretend that u r happy with texting me

 _ **jihoon**_ : k

seen 10:35pm

 **soonie** : let's play a game!

 _ **jihoon**_ : what game

 **soonie** : so you're playing?! Yes!

 _ **jihoon**_ : yes but hurry up i want to sleep.

 **soonie** : i thought you're doing your hw?

 _ **jihoon**_ : i was but it was rudely interrupted by an idiot.

 **soonie** : let's play truth and truth!

 _ **jihoon**_ : what.

 _ **jihoon**_ : its that just basically truth? why is there an "and" to it. And srsly? Now? Via text?

 **soonie** : yeah, why not. it'll give you more time to think!

 _ **jihoon**_ : urgh fine. who goes first?

 **soonie** : hmm

 **soonie** : how about i ask and u answer first.

 _ **jihoon**_ : okay shoot.

 **soonie** : okay. truth or truth, jihoon? pick one!!

 _ **jihoon**_ : .....

 _ **jihoon**_ : truth?

 **soonie** : great choice!!

 _ **jihoon**_ : *face palms*

 **soonie** : describe me in 3 words! hehehehe

 _ **jihoon**_ : umm...

 _ **jihoon**_ : dumb

 _ **jihoon**_ : idiot

 **soonie** : HEY! dont be so mean :(

 _ **jihoon**_ : im not done yett

 _ **jihoon**_ : and... cute, i guess.

 **soonie** : AWWW JIHOONIE JUST CALLED ME CUTE!

 _ **jihoon**_ : shut up.

 _ **jihoon**_ : its my turn now.

 **soonie** : ok! i pick truth!

 _ **jihoon**_ : do u hv a crush?

seen 11:03pm

 

Jihoon bit his lip. His heart was beating so fast. He didnt know why he asked that but his thumbs just typed that in. He could see those little dots indicating that Soonyoung was typing. Why was he taking so long to answer? Is he gonna make a long cheesy ass paragraph about some person who he loves dearly and--

 

 

 **soonie** : nahh im not looking for a relationship rn

seen 11:05pm

' _well_ _there_ _goes_ _my_ _chance_ ' said to himself, sighing.

 _ **jihoon**_ : oh.

 **soonie** : me next!

 **soonie** : do you have a crush, hoonie?

 _ **jihoon**_ : um yeah. i guess

 **soonie** : OHH TELL ME!

 _ **jihoon**_ : soonyoung, no.

 **soonie** : WHAT WHY?! :( Aren't I your best friend :(

 _ **jihoon**_ : no.

 **soonie** : PLEASE.

 _ **jihoon**_ : no.

 **soonie** : FINE. Let's change the game. Let's play dare or dare. I go first. I dare you to text your crush a "Hi".

 _ **jihoon**_ : HEY. THATS NOT FAIR.

 **soonie** : come on hoonie. a dare is a dare.

seen 11:20

 _ **jihoon**_ : urgh. fine.

seen 11:25

 

Jihoon hesitated. One of his thumb was hovering the letter 'H' while the other was hovering 'I'.

 

 

He stared at their conversation. Should he do this or no?

 

 

Ah. Fuck it.

 

 

11:35

 _ **jihoon**_ : hi.

 **soonie** : SO DID U TEXTED YOUR CRUSH? I NEED SCREENSHOTS.

 _ **jihoon**_ : =.=

 _ **jihoon**_ : soonyoung are u just dumb or.

 **soonie** : WHAT? DID U OR DID U NOT?

 _ **jihoon**_ : I JUST DID U DUMBASS. DIDNT U SEE I TEXTED YOU A "HI"

seen 11:45

 **soonie** : oh HAHAHAHA

 **soonie** : you have a crush on me? cute.

 _ **jihoon**_ : yeah i guess. AND im not cute -.-

 **soonie** : for how long?

 _ **jihoon**_ : idk i never counted.

 **soonie** : i thought u hated me

 _ **jihoon**_ : i never hate you, soonie.

 **soonie** : oh ok.

 ** _jihoon_** : so...

 **soonie** : so...

 ** _jihoon_** : i guess i just made it awkward? haha

 **soonie** : im sorry.

 _ **jihoon**_ : for what? not liking me back? or for rejecting me?

 **soonie** : jihoon..

 _ **jihoon**_ : i get it. its alright. goodnight kwon.

 **soonie** : jihoon wait.

seen 12:00

 **soonie** : jihoon.

 **soonie** : pls answer me.

 **soonie** : jihoon.

seen 12:26

 _ **jihoon:**_ why

 _ **jihoon**_ : why does it hurt?

 _ **jihoon**_ : why does liking someone hurt so much?

 ** _jihoon_** : no matter how hard i try to forget my feelings about you, i just, cant.

 **soonie** : hoonie,

 ** _jihoon_** : no, soonyoung. forget it. its funny how i thought i had a chance.

seen 12:30

 **soonie** : ....

 _ **jihoon**_ : did u even think about it? have you even liked me before? or had a crush on me or smtg? im tired of having to cry every night, not knowing anything, ive liked u for so long, yet you never seem to notice me. ive held it for so long. and now that ive finally confessed, you decided to avoid it.

sent 12:43

seen 01:02

 **soonie** : listen. i, i dont want you to cry. i want to see you smile because your smile is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. i want you to be happy. i want you to wake up with a smile on your face. not tears. not a frown. okay? goodnight jihoon.

sent 01:15

 

Jihoon slammed his phone shut and tossed his blanket over his head.

  
  


He's a crying mess again.  
  


 

Why is he even doing to himself.  
  


 

 

Soonyoung's words made him feel so emotional with mixed feelings. His sort of caring words made his heart flutter but at the same time it made him so upset.

 

  
  


How could one person have this affect on him.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! 
> 
> hmu on:  
> twitter: @squishyjihoon_


	12. freaking

Jihoon's POV ( Third Person)

 

 

2 months had pass by, it was their last two days of high school and Jihoon was glad. He felt relieved. He was sick of high school. Besides, it hasnt been the best school years in his life.  
  


 

 

He was about to graduate in a few days and he was nervous yet excited about it. He did surprisingly well on his final examinations , considering he was absent for several days, he was thankful that he was gifted with a quick memory.  
  


 

 

As for what he is feeling right now, it was bearable. He, of course, still isn't over Soonyoung but he tried not to think too much of the latter (unfortunately, it was quite difficult).   
  


 

 

He has been avoiding the older, not that it was hard because the older seems to avoid him too.  
  


 

 

Jihoon wasnt mad. No. He was simply upset. And disappointed. Disappointed in the way how Soonyoung was acting. He wasnt the Soonyoung, Jihoon knew and befriended with.  
  


 

 

But in other words, Jihoon was feeling okay.  
  


 

 

 

 

Well, until he accidentally heard Soonyoung talking to Seungcheol. The two boys were simply oblivious and did not notice that Jihoon was quite near them when they were talking about him.  
  


 

 

 

Jihoon was small. Yes. So it was understandable that the two boys did not notice him sitting just a table away from them in a cafe.  
  


 

 

 

Thankfully for Jihoon, the cafe has booths that covers up the sides of each table.  
  


 

 

 

It wasnt Jihoon's intention to eavesdrop them. It was simply an accident.  
  


 

 

 

Jihoon was minding his own business, doing yet another assignment that was given to his class. Jihoon being the very punctual person he is, decided to just sit down and drink his coffee and do his work.  
  
  


 

 

So when he saw the two older boys approaching the table next to him, he internally panicked.  
  


 

 

He didnt know whether or not he should just quietly pack and secretly walk out of the cafe unnoticed or just sit there and pretend he does not know the older boys.  
  


 

 

He decided on the latter. What could Seungcheol and Soonyoung be talking about?  
  


 

 

No.  
  
  
  


They wouldnt possibly talking about.... him...  
  


 

 

... Right?  
  
  


 

 

"Dude, mind telling me whats up with you and him?" Seungcheol asked sternly.  
  


 

 

'He looked pissed' thought Jihoon.  
  


 

 

"What do mean?" said Soonyoung, nervously.  
  


 

 

Jihoon could tell that Soonyoung was nervous just by the way he acts. When Soonyoung gets nervous, his left feet would move in a fast motion up and down repeatedly, he bit his bottom lip between his teeth and he sweats. He sweats a lot. Which is cute (gross).  
  


 

 

"You know who I mean! Jihoon! He's a fucking mess. He looks lifeless Soonyoung and I know you're the reason he's acting like this! You better explain what's happening or I'll personally kick you on Jihoon's behalf." threatened Seungcheol. His face was red with fury yet he has a calm but stiff expression.  
  


 

 

Jihoon widened his eyes. He knew he shouldn't listen to their conversation but they were talking about him, so technically its his business too, right?  
  


 

 

Besides, he wants to know what Soonyoung has to explain.

 

 

Third Person's POV

 

 

Soonyoung put his head down guiltily.  
  


 

 

"I don't know hyung.... im sorry.." muttered Soonyoung.  
  


 

 

"He told me all about it. Stop acting like the victim here. He's clearly in pain, Soonyoung. Can't you tell? He's been locked in his room most of the time, he barely eats and you know he loves food! He has eyebags around his eyes. He's getting thin! You're breaking him Soonyoung! You dont wa-"  
  


 

 

Soonyoung scoffed bitterly, " You don't think I know? I fucking know it okay. I know I broke him, and I dont know what to fucking do! I know he likes me for a long time already. He's that damn obvious with the way he stares at me. Im not fucking stupid."

 

 

"Then why wont you just give him a damn answer! Stop leading him to nowhere. If you like him, tell him before you regret it. If you dont like him, then fucking tell him too, before he falls deeper. He already loves you Soonyoung." spat Seungcheol, angrily.

 

 

 

He continued, " Listen, if you dont feel the same way, just fucking tell him. stop texting him. Stop seeing him. Stop being friends with him. Stop fucking flirting with him. Stop giving him false hope. He hopes that you like him back. He's an idiot. So my question is, why, why do you still talk to him? When you're clearly not feeling the same way."  
  


 

 

Soonyoung pursed his lips. His eyes slightly watery.  
  


 

 

" I... I don't know. I just, im not looking for a relationship right now. I know he likes me for a long time already and fuck, i feel so _guilty_. But, he's not the only one who confessed to me. There are other people who confessed to me too, but i rejected all of them. All with the same reason. Im not looking for a relationship. I didnt answer Jihoon's confession because I know he's different. He's my best friend. He likes me for a long time already. "

 

 

He sighed," I constantly text him because i feel bad. I feel bad that I just cant seem to answer him. I avoided all of these question. I wanted us to stay as friends. But he didnt want that, right? I just cant reject him.... but i cant accept it also."  
  


 

 

Jihoon gasped loudly. So loud that Soonyoung and Seungcheol noticed him. Both of them froze when they say Jihoon crying, so close to breakinf down.

 

 

Soonyoung widened his eyes, light tears was visibly glistering from his eyes.

 

 

 

"J-Jihoon..." stammered Soonyoung.

 

  
  


"I-Im s-sorry!" whispered Jihoon, quickly grabbing his things and left.

 

  
  


Soonyoung was shocked. He fucked up yet again. He ruffled his hair in frustration. The last person he wanted to hear that was Jihoon!

 

  
  


Seungcheol grabbed hold of Soonyoung's collar.

 

 

 

"You fucking idiot. You're flirting with him and being all friendly and shit because you fucking _**pity**_ him? I've never seen a bigger idiot than you. Do you honestly think he's a fucking dumb idiot that you can just play with his feelings? Don't you fucking dare show your fucking face in front of him. Save your half ass sorry for your self." spat Seungcheol.  
  
  
  
  
  
  


\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 **A/N** : IM SO SORRY PLS DONT HATE ON SOONYOUNG. HE'S OBVIOUSLY NOT LIKE THIS IN REAL LIFE!! I'll have an explanation story soon and its a must to read it because this story is sorta vague(?) hehe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! 
> 
> hmu on:  
> twitter: @squishyjihoon_


	13. much

Jihoon's POV ( Third Person)

 

 

2 months had pass by, it was their last two days of high school and Jihoon was glad. He felt relieved. He was sick of high school. Besides, it hasnt been the best school years in his life.  
  


 

 

He was about to graduate in a few days and he was nervous yet excited about it. He did surprisingly well on his final examinations , considering he was absent for several days, he was thankful that he was gifted with a quick memory.  
  


 

 

As for what he is feeling right now, it was bearable. He, of course, still isn't over Soonyoung but he tried not to think too much of the latter (unfortunately, it was quite difficult).   
  


 

 

He has been avoiding the older, not that it was hard because the older seems to avoid him too.  
  


 

 

Jihoon wasnt mad. No. He was simply upset. And disappointed. Disappointed in the way how Soonyoung was acting. He wasnt the Soonyoung, Jihoon knew and befriended with.  
  


 

 

But in other words, Jihoon was feeling okay.  
  


 

 

 

 

Well, until he accidentally heard Soonyoung talking to Seungcheol. The two boys were simply oblivious and did not notice that Jihoon was quite near them when they were talking about him.  
  


 

 

 

Jihoon was small. Yes. So it was understandable that the two boys did not notice him sitting just a table away from them in a cafe.  
  


 

 

 

Thankfully for Jihoon, the cafe has booths that covers up the sides of each table.  
  


 

 

 

It wasnt Jihoon's intention to eavesdrop them. It was simply an accident.  
  


 

 

 

Jihoon was minding his own business, doing yet another assignment that was given to his class. Jihoon being the very punctual person he is, decided to just sit down and drink his coffee and do his work.  
  
  


 

 

So when he saw the two older boys approaching the table next to him, he internally panicked.  
  


 

 

He didnt know whether or not he should just quietly pack and secretly walk out of the cafe unnoticed or just sit there and pretend he does not know the older boys.  
  


 

 

He decided on the latter. What could Seungcheol and Soonyoung be talking about?  
  


 

 

No.  
  
  
  


They wouldnt possibly talking about.... him...  
  


 

 

... Right?  
  
  


 

 

"Dude, mind telling me whats up with you and him?" Seungcheol asked sternly.  
  


 

 

'He looked pissed' thought Jihoon.  
  


 

 

"What do mean?" said Soonyoung, nervously.  
  


 

 

Jihoon could tell that Soonyoung was nervous just by the way he acts. When Soonyoung gets nervous, his left feet would move in a fast motion up and down repeatedly, he bit his bottom lip between his teeth and he sweats. He sweats a lot. Which is cute (gross).  
  


 

 

"You know who I mean! Jihoon! He's a fucking mess. He looks lifeless Soonyoung and I know you're the reason he's acting like this! You better explain what's happening or I'll personally kick you on Jihoon's behalf." threatened Seungcheol. His face was red with fury yet he has a calm but stiff expression.  
  


 

 

Jihoon widened his eyes. He knew he shouldn't listen to their conversation but they were talking about him, so technically its his business too, right?  
  


 

 

Besides, he wants to know what Soonyoung has to explain.

 

 

Third Person's POV

 

 

Soonyoung put his head down guiltily.  
  


 

 

"I don't know hyung.... im sorry.." muttered Soonyoung.  
  


 

 

"He told me all about it. Stop acting like the victim here. He's clearly in pain, Soonyoung. Can't you tell? He's been locked in his room most of the time, he barely eats and you know he loves food! He has eyebags around his eyes. He's getting thin! You're breaking him Soonyoung! You dont wa-"  
  


 

 

Soonyoung scoffed bitterly, " You don't think I know? I fucking know it okay. I know I broke him, and I dont know what to fucking do! I know he likes me for a long time already. He's that damn obvious with the way he stares at me. Im not fucking stupid."

 

 

"Then why wont you just give him a damn answer! Stop leading him to nowhere. If you like him, tell him before you regret it. If you dont like him, then fucking tell him too, before he falls deeper. He already loves you Soonyoung." spat Seungcheol, angrily.

 

 

 

He continued, " Listen, if you dont feel the same way, just fucking tell him. stop texting him. Stop seeing him. Stop being friends with him. Stop fucking flirting with him. Stop giving him false hope. He hopes that you like him back. He's an idiot. So my question is, why, why do you still talk to him? When you're clearly not feeling the same way."  
  


 

 

Soonyoung pursed his lips. His eyes slightly watery.  
  


 

 

" I... I don't know. I just, im not looking for a relationship right now. I know he likes me for a long time already and fuck, i feel so _guilty_. But, he's not the only one who confessed to me. There are other people who confessed to me too, but i rejected all of them. All with the same reason. Im not looking for a relationship. I didnt answer Jihoon's confession because I know he's different. He's my best friend. He likes me for a long time already. "

 

 

He sighed," I constantly text him because i feel bad. I feel bad that I just cant seem to answer him. I avoided all of these question. I wanted us to stay as friends. But he didnt want that, right? I just cant reject him.... but i cant accept it also."  
  


 

 

Jihoon gasped loudly. So loud that Soonyoung and Seungcheol noticed him. Both of them froze when they say Jihoon crying, so close to breakinf down.

 

 

Soonyoung widened his eyes, light tears was visibly glistering from his eyes.

 

 

 

"J-Jihoon..." stammered Soonyoung.

 

  
  


"I-Im s-sorry!" whispered Jihoon, quickly grabbing his things and left.

 

  
  


Soonyoung was shocked. He fucked up yet again. He ruffled his hair in frustration. The last person he wanted to hear that was Jihoon!

 

  
  


Seungcheol grabbed hold of Soonyoung's collar.

 

 

 

"You fucking idiot. You're flirting with him and being all friendly and shit because you fucking _**pity**_ him? I've never seen a bigger idiot than you. Do you honestly think he's a fucking dumb idiot that you can just play with his feelings? Don't you fucking dare show your fucking face in front of him. Save your half ass sorry for your self." spat Seungcheol.  
  
  
  
  
  
  


\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 **A/N** : IM SO SORRY PLS DONT HATE ON SOONYOUNG. HE'S OBVIOUSLY NOT LIKE THIS IN REAL LIFE!! I'll have an explanation story soon and its a must to read it because this story is sorta vague(?) hehe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! 
> 
> hmu on:  
> twitter: @squishyjihoon_


	14. it hurts

**A/N: italics are the flashbacks :)**

 

Jihoon's POV

 

 

 

"Hey" 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon turned his view from the cherry blossom tree in front of him to the owner of the voice calling him.

 

 

 

  
"Hi" he whispered.

 

 

 

 

Soonyoung walked towards him and stood beside Jihoon, hands in his pocket.

 

 

 

 

  
It was a beautiful day, birds chirping happily, couples walking hand in hand together, chatting cheerfully.

 

 

 

 

  
To say Jihoon was nervous about meeting Soonyoung was an understatement. He was havung a mental breakdown inside his head. Although he knew what Soonyoung was going to tell him, he wanted to hear it himself. 

 

 

 

 

  
It was better this way. Without anyone disturbing them, interfering them. 

 

 

 

 

 

"How are you?" asked Soonyoung softly. 

 

 

 

 

  
Soonyoung didnt look at him when he asked that. He was looking at the beautiful tree.

 

 

 

 

  
Jihoon remembered the first time he came here with Soonyoung. It was a beautiful moment in his opinion. Soonyoung, being the playful and excited idiot he is, asked Jihoon to accompany him to take a walk around the trees. Of course, Jihoon agreed. It was beautiful. Soonyoung was beautiful. The way the sun hits Soonyoung's face making him look glowing. The excited grin that was plastered on Soonyoung's face made Jihoon's heart flutter and his stomach full of butterflies. The way the petals fall onto Soonyoung's head, makes him so ....... ethereal. 

 

 

 

 

"I'm okay." said Jihoon. A small smile apperead on his face. "You?"

 

 

 

 

  
"I'm fine." said Soonyoung, with a slight hesistated voice.

 

 

 

 

  
Soonyoung spoke in a whisper after a few moments of silence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I miss you." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Jihoon didnt replied but bit his bottom lips, fighting the urge to cry.

 

 

 

 

 

  
Soonyoung let out a sigh. 

 

 

 

 

 

  
"I miss my best friend."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Tears suddenly ran down Jihoon's face.

 

 

 

 

 

Soonyoung turned to look at him and turned Jihoon by the shoulder so he was facing Soonyoung.

 

 

 

 

 

Soonyoung wiped Jihoon's tears softly, caressing his cheeks.

 

 

 

 

 

"I'm sorry." whispered Soonyoung.

 

 

 

 

 

  
"I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I was such a bad friend. I'm sorry I made you cry. I'm sorry I avoided you. I'm sorry I didn't gave you an answer. I'm sorry I gave you false hope. And I'm sorry that I can't give you the answer you wanted." said Soonyoung softly. 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon was sobbing by now, he didn't want to look weak and fragile but he can't help but cry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 _He_ _still_ _remembered_ _the_ _day_ _when_ _Soonyoung_ _took_ _him_ _to_ _the_ _park_ _to_ _ride_ _their_ _bicycles_ together. _Jihoon wasn't really that active in sports but he was good at it. He hated running though. He would rather sleep than be active and play outside. But Jihoon couldn't say no to Soonyoung so he agreed. Jihoon wasn't that bad at riding the bicycle but he wasn't that good either. He likes to ride his bicycle very slowly. So when Soonyoung, being the hyperactive person he is, he rode his bike faster than Jihoon that he could not catch up to the older._

 

  
_"Come on Jihoon! You're so slow!" shouted Soonyoung, while laughing at him._

 

  
_Jihoon muttered a few curses and paddled faster to catch up with Soonyoung._

 

_He didnt realize there was a hole on the road so he fell down and scraped his knees. When he yelled in pain, Soonyoung immediately hopped off his bike and rushed to help Jihoon._

 

  
_Now, Jihoon wasn't the type of person to get easily injured so it was rare for him to scraped his knees. So he cried. Hard._

 

  
_It wasn't that painful to be completely honest. Maybe it was the embarassment for the fact that he fell down from the bike and landed hard on his butt and scraped his knees. Or maybe it was the anger he had on Soonyoung for making him paddle faster. Or maybe he was blaming himself for wearing shorts as his bike attire. Or maybe it was just the fact that he didn't like riding his bike._

 

  
_"Oh My God, Jihoon! Are you okay?!" asked Soonyoung worriedly._

 

_"Of course I'm not, you dick! I'm hurt! And it's your fault!" cried Jihoon._

 

  
_"Oh no. Let's get you patched up. I'll buy some plasters for you at the convenience store nearby." said Soonyoung._

 

_Suddenly, Soonyoung carried Jihoon, bridal style and walked towards the bench._

 

_"Yah! What the fuck are you doing! Put me down!" yelled Jihoon, blushing while hitting Soonyoung on his chest._

 

  
_"No can do, Jihoonie. You can't walk so I'm gonna have to carry you. Why are you so light? Aren't you eating well?"_

 

_Jihoon didn't responded._

 

_Soonyoung carefully placed Jihoon on the bench and ruffled his hair._

 

_"Wait here okay? I'll be right back." said Soonyoung, smiling down at him._

 

  
_Soonyoung then left to go buy the plasters._

 

  
_Jihoon puffed his red cheeks cutely._

 

 

_After a few minutes, Soonyoung came back with a white plastic bag and holding two ice cream._

 

_He handed Jihoon the ice cream and immediately tended Jihoon's knees._

 

  
_Jihoon can't help but stare at the male who was tending his knees. Jihoon can see that Soonyoung was being careful not to apply to much pressure on Jihoon's knees, afraid that it might hurt him even more. Jihoon stared at the said boy who looked beautiful just by doing this simple guesture. Soonyoung's tongue was poking out a bit in concentration and his eyebrows furrowed. It was a cute sight to see._

 

  
_And if anyone could how Jihoon was looking at Soonyoung, they would all agree it was a look of pure adortion and love._

 

 

 

 

 

"Hey, hey, look at me, Jihoon. Hey, don't cry." said Soonyoung, comfortingly.

 

 

 

 

  
Jihoon stopped crying until he was only his hiccups was heard.

 

 

 

  
" You're amazing, Ji. You're talented, kind, beautiful and everything. I-I like you. I like being with you. I like your presence. I like being your friend. But I can't answer you. You- You deserve so much more. You deserve to be love and cared for. You deserve everything. But I can't give you that. I dont know why but it's still a blur for me. I dont know when I'll ever know my true feelings but now I know that I'll just have to wait."

 

 

 

 

  
"I- You're beautiful, Ji. So, so beautiful. Inside and out. I dont want you to feel like you're not, because you are. I know you're insecure because I know you. I know you too much. I know I seem dense but I'm not. I dont want to lose you as a friend. I dont want to lose you. You're so special to me, it makes me want to protect you forever so you wouldn't get hurt. I'll be a better person, a better friend for you. But, i can't love you, Jihoon. I can't live a lie. I cant be with you if I cant love you. I cant be with you knowing that I dont feel the same when you love me."

 

 

 

  
"I-I hope you understand." whispered Soonyoung. 

 

 

 

 

  
Jihoon didn't speak. He held his tears back. Silence was filled in the air. 

 

 

 

 

  
Finally, Jihoon spoke.

 

 

 

"It's okay. You, you dont have to apologize. It's my fault. For falling for you. For loving you. For thinking that you would love me the same way. I know I can't force you to love me. And I understand. I hope you dont mind if I dont see you again. I- I need some time to heal myself and to move on from you." said Jihoon. 

 

 

  
They didn't spoke. They just simply stare at each other. 

 

 

  
After a few moments, Jihoon broke the eye contact and face back to the tree. 

 

 

 

  
He whispered, quietly crying and said ," I love you Soonyoung. So much."

 

 

 

 

Jihoon didnt turned back to look at Soonyoung. He just walked away. 

 

 

 

  
Jihoon stopped walking when he was a few steps away from Soonyoung. 

 

 

 

 

  
"Goodbye, Soonyoung." said Jihoon softly, that only Soonyoung can hear him. 

 

 

 

  
He turned back slowly and looked at Soonyoung. He gave him a small smile and finally left. 

 

 

 

**A/N: AAAAAAAA IT'S FINALLY FINISHED. I hope the ending is good. What do you think? Maybe i should make an epilogue. Hmmm any suggestions? Anyways, if I do make an epilongue, that will be posted after the explanation chapter which is next! See you in the next chapter!!**

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! 
> 
> hmu on:  
> twitter: @squishyjihoon_


	15. explanation chapter

HELLO MY LOVELY READERS!!

 

 

So this is the explanation chapter of the whole plot. Basically like a summary of this? 

 

Anyways, you guys might be wondering why there have never been a "Soonyoung's POV".

 

Well, this plot is based on a true story which I, myself, experienced and it might be what some people have experienced too.

 

So why is there no "Soonyoung's POV" written? Its because this whole story is based solely on what the character, JIhoon, is experiencing. Basically his life. It just so happens that the character, Soonyoung, is like the main lead in a drama/movie. Jihoon has experienced many emotions throughout this story and I tried my best to deliver the emotions and feelings he has been through in the story. Soonyoung never got a "point of view" because, in Jihoon's life, he doesnt know what Soonyoung is thinking, or whats going on through his mind. Thus, those who read this also doesnt know what is on Soonyoung's mind. Soonyoung's character in this story is very vague and brief. Through Jihoon's point of view, he views Soonyoung as the guy who hides their emotions well. Or simply just a guy who is dense as fuck. 

 

As I said before, this story is based on what I have experienced and I tried to put in as much content as possible from what I have experienced. So I might as well tell you what I experienced. I potray myself as Jihoon and the guy I like is Soonyoung. I basically feel the same way as Jihoon and had a mental breakdown and such. But of course, some of the stuff that happened in the story didnt happened to me, for example, the last chapter which is the soft of "closure" between Soonyoung and Jihoon. It didnt happened to me but I made it happen to JIhoon and Soonyoung because I wanted that closure and I wouldnt want a better ending than that.

 

I didnt make Soonyoung and Jihoon be together or that Soonyoung falls in love with Jihoon because I find that the last chapter is sort of more realistic(?). Because what the whole point of the story is basically Jihoon trying to find what what Soonyoung is feeling. Whether Soonyoung feels the same way as Jihoon or not( in this case, no). Rather than have them be together, I think that what Jihoon is feeling towards Soonyoung isnt love. They have been friends for so long, made memories together and be close together, So I think that what Jihoon is feeling towards Soonyoung is that he isnt in love with Soonyoung but rather in love with the memmories they make together. Of couse Jihoon is fond of Soonyoung and he might be in love with him, but as years pass by, it seems like Jihoon is just afraid of losing those memories they made together so he thinks he is in love with Soonyoung. Although I LOVE happy endings, I think my ending was like in between angst and happy. 

 

I love the fact that they had a closure. I think closures are important in a broken relationship. When a person feels like they are more in love with the memories rather than the person they are together with, closures are needed in this. I believe that a person doesnt simply say that they love the other person unless they really mean it.

 

Anyways, back to the story. I think what Jihoon is feeling towards Soonyoung is somewhat unhealthy and just simply broke him inside. We've seen (or read) that Jihoon has been through a lot and he's feeling like a broken toy. 

 

So in conclusion, the story is somehow realistic. I made this story to show how a person feels when they are in love with another person. Although it seems sentimental, but in my opinion, love can be viewed differently from other people. Some say love is difficult, some say love is easy. But I think love isnt all maths or science, love doesnt have to be overthinked. When someone is in love with another person, they can either realise it or not. But one thing for sure, is that when you realise that the person you've had your whole life, someone who has been with you through your hardest and your victories, someone who you'll want to protect and care forever, you'll realise that once that person is no longer with you, you'll feel empty, like that person who left you, left with your other half. 

 

The story covers basically how a person is feeling when the person you're in love with, doesnt love you back, doesnt feel the same way as you do. Here, Jihoon simply overthinks things and his head is full of "what ifs",unanswered questions, vague answers. Knowing that he doesnt know what to do, he doesnt know the truth, it broke him inside and he is left with tears. 

 

Now, you might be wondering about Soonyoung. Well, let's just say Soonyoung doesnt feel the same way towards Jihoon, unfortunately. Of course, love cant be forced. You cant simply just want that person to fall in love with you, knowing fully well that the person doesnt feel the same. Soonyoung sees Jihoon as just friends. Technically best friends. 

 

I think that's it. I hope you all like this story and I had a great time writing this. Props to my friends who helped me get over this unhealthy and pathetic "love life" of mine. Im over it, i guess because thats just how life works. Anyways, thank you for your kind comments, i really really appreciate each and every comment i get. It makes me smile whenever i see someone liking my story.  For the epilogue, im still thinking of whether or not im going to write it as im gonna start college soon so wish me luck! Bye!! <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! 
> 
> hmu on:  
> twitter: @squishyjihoon_


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